The Search for the Authentic Self

My Skydiving Adventure Taught Me About Fear.

They say when you repeat a thought pattern often enough, you create neural pathways in the brain that, over time, can develop into deep grooves of habitual thinking.  The deeper those grooves become, the harder it is to change.  Many times a habitual thought pattern is born as a result of a powerful stimulus that overrides the system, and when we become overwhelmed in this way there is just enough confusion created to cause us to keep thinking about the event, over and over again.  As a result of that intense focus, and the strong emotions that usually accompany it, a neural pathway is either born, or becomes much more deeply entrenched into our psyche.  And suddenly those thoughts become part of the filter through which we see the world. 

So if a strong enough stimulus can affect us in such a way, why not use this knowledge to our advantage?  This is what prompted me one day to stop in my tracks and say out loud, “I am going skydiving.”  I could hear the surprise in my own voice when I said the words.  I had a full ten days after booking my jump to allow my head to come up with a creative enough excuse that I could justify changing my mind without losing face.  But my motivation was clear.  My skydiving adventure would serve as a microcosm of my whole life, and I would use it to observe my own mind.  Would I contract when faced with fear, or expand?  Would I allow the fear to be bigger than me, or would I allow myself to become bigger than the fear? 

Over the ten days I observed the stories my mind started to weave, such as “it’s too expensive and I can’t afford it right now,” and “I’m too busy to take the time off for this”, to “what if I end up horribly disfigured or…dead?”  But because I intentionally brought into the experience a conscious awareness of all the ways my mind would chew on this, I simply observed my thoughts instead of feeding them.  I thought, “that’s just fear Erica, you can choose not to feed it.”  Each time I interrupted the fear-based thought midstream and replaced it with a more empowering one.  I kept visualizing myself standing at the doorway of the plane just before the jump, and knew that in that moment I would have to embrace trust, and then let go.  If I could do that in the face of such a powerful stimulus, surely I could parlay that into other areas of my life.  And it only took a couple of times before I witnessed my mind already creating a new neural pathway.  It became easier and easier to recognize the fear and redirect my thoughts. 

Because of that intention, fear never got a chance to get a foothold, and each day I could feel my excitement, not my fear, building.  And although the jump was truly a rush, it was actually everything I experienced within myself leading up to it that was most memorable.   Standing in the doorway of the plane I didn’t feel any fear, only exhilaration, because the fear had already been faced and I was then free to just be in the moment and experience the fullness of it.  Amazing. 

And so it is with life.  If we can become conscious enough of our thoughts to notice when fear has burrowed its way to the surface, we can decide if we want to feed it or not.  Do we want to nurture the fear and allow it to overwhelm us and rob us of our freedom, or do we want to expand and become bigger than the fear and feel the liberation that comes with that?  And what would happen if we started doing that consciously everyday?  In the beginning it might take some focused effort, but then once that thinking takes root and is nurtured a couple of times, this new possibility can blossom into reality. 

I'll never forget my first yoga experience.

With a workout routine that was becoming a little stale, I was searching for some variety.  After a quick trip to Blockbuster I popped a video into the VCR.  Navigating my way around a yoga mat for the first time, guided by the gentle voice of master teacher, Eric Schiffman, 50 minutes later I knew something had just happened.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it what it was, but it went so much deeper than a mere physical workout. 

Years later I was hired to create a comprehensive rehabilitation program for homeless adults.  Over the course of the next few years I, together with my students, would ponder such questions as: Who am I and why am I here?  What do I value most in life?  What are my chronic patterns of thinking and are they serving me?  Together we all grew in our awareness of ourselves and the lives we were creating.  With each epiphany and every “a-ha” moment we were shedding old, outdated belief systems and stepping into a more empowered way of being.

Meanwhile, my love and appreciation for yoga blossomed.  One evening, after a particularly moving yoga class, I lay on my back in Savasana and realized the feelings I was left with were similar to those I experienced, and my students described, after each little a-ha moment.  The feelings were that of being lighter, more expanded, aware and at peace. 

Over the months that followed I discovered that not only was I deepening my relationship with my self through yoga, I was also able to move through and shift any emotions I brought with me into my yoga practice.  When I was feeling particularly low or on edge, that became motivation enough for me to take my angst out on the mat.  Without fail I would come out on the other end feeling bigger than my problems, rather than overwhelmed by them.

This is what inspired me to become a yoga teacher, and I am so happy to see that more and more people are seeking yoga as a way to move through difficult emotions - be it the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, deep-seated anxiety or depression, or even a lack of self confidence and direction. 

With yoga we allow energy that was previously stuck to move through us, no longer taking up residence in our muscles, organs and joints, and we open up the channel so that life can flow through us freely and unencumbered.  Through yoga and meditation, a space is created for us to step back and become observers of our own life.  With this space comes new awareness and the recognition that in any moment we can choose differently. 

We have given away so much personal power by ignoring our inner voice and self-medicating our way through life.  My sessions with clients continue to evolve, and now involve a unique program integrating yoga therapy and life coaching.    For more information on this program, visit http://www.yoga4transformation.com/Search%20for%20Authentic%20Self.htm.

It was this individualized care that appealed to one private client, a successful business executive that had accomplished every professional goal set for himself, but at a cost that was just starting to reveal itself in his life, showing up as anxiety that stalked him by day, and debilitating panic attacks that kept him up at night.  Together we developed a program combining yoga and life coaching that often involved meditation and journaling.  Almost immediately his panic attacks disappeared, and his anxiety drastically lessened.  In an email to me he wrote "you have helped me see things that were right in front of me that I missed before.  You showed me what a life without fear can be like…." 

Another woman contacted me after the death of a family member, knowing intuitively that yoga would help her family process the loss in a healthy way. 

Several recent divorcees found me while seeking alternatives to the numbing effects of anti-depressants, and in the hope of finally getting closure and moving on with their lives.  One woman that showed up beside herself in sadness and grief after the end of a 33-year marriage said that the work we did together “changed my life.”

From clients seeking to quit smoking, lose weight and break other habits that no longer serve them, to men and women seeking to transform troubled relationships, overcome debilitating fears and experience more peace and joy in their lives, it is finally starting to catch on. 

Our answers are found within. 

And with the economy being what it is, we no longer seek solace in a bigger house, pricier car, or more lavish lifestyle.  Collectively, our priorities are shifting; our values becoming clearer. 

My mission is to lend support and guidance to anyone choosing to live an awakened life. 

As I hold the space for others asking the hard questions and doing the deep listening, I keep peeling away the layers in my own life.  This summer I will continue to stretch myself, each time addressing the fearful little voice inside that says “you can’t do that”.  I start this coming Friday with my first skydive.  Stay tuned…